Happy Birthday To MEEEE!!

This morning, at 1:17 AM, I turned 36.

And weirdly enough, that number doesn’t scare me. 

There are about 8 million things I wish I knew more about and about 6 trillion things I would have done differently, but all in all, I’ve had a pretty decent run :D

So, to celebrate my completion of 35 revolutions around the sun here are 35 things you may or may not know about me.  Some of which have taken a full 35 years to learn.

In no particular order:

I have an exceptionally good memory

It’s almost like things get burned into my mind and I can’t let them go.  And it’s not always really important.  It’s the little stuff like how my brother orders his sandwich at Subway (Meatball, extra sauce, American Cheese, Mayo, Pickles), or how my Granny took her coffee (Black with 2 teaspoons of honey), or how my friend Emily eats her pizza (Toppings first – then scrape the cheese off and roll it up – then pick the fluffy part of the crust off).

I feel more deeply than I let on

I’m essentially a burnt marshmallow.  You’re not going to see a lot of emotion escape to the surface (thanks to #10) but I’m practically goo on the inside.

I am a ‘Ride or Die’

I’m a pretty intense ally.  I will 100% match your enthusiasm….Every.Single.Time.  I will hold your earrings.  I will help you fight your way out.  I will answer the phone at 3 am and unlock the front door because you have nowhere else to go.  I will help you stalk the girl you think he’s cheating on you with. But…I will also force the hard conversations.  I will ask “What does that look like now?”  I will line out your options and make you choose a road to walk down. 

I don’t function well when I’m hungry…or tired

Y’all.  Hangry is LEGIT an emotion.  I feel it.  Deep within me.  It’s taken me a LONG time to know that if I’m reaching my limit I probably just need some French fries and a nap.  Thankfully I’m married to a man who also recognizes this…way before I do…and can usually head my crazy off at the pass.

I have an insatiable need to know.

I know it doesn’t affect me.  I know it doesn’t matter.  I just want to know. 

Yes….I AM ‘head-shrinking’ you

Look.  I’m just being honest.  As you’re talking I’m about half listening and half trying to figure out your personality quirks.  I want to know how you work.  If we talk for more than 30ish minutes I can tell you if you’re an introvert or extrovert, what your love language is, and how you are motivated.  I will need this information later….see #3.

I really do find myself hilarious

Come on…you HAVE to give me this one.  It’s basically Kim 101.  Rule #1 is I’m HILARIOUS.  And it’s SUCH a sad story when people are unaware of rule #1.

I know all the lyrics in the universe, but don’t ask me about song title or artist

If you need that info, you should ask my brother!

I’m seriously disappointed about the lack of choreographed musical numbers in my life

I mean…what’s a girl gotta do to get a little singing and dancing on cars on the way to work?  I feel like this will be my 50thbirthday request….someone arrange a flash mob while I’m at the grocery store. (No, I’m serious)

I trust you as far as I can throw you

I’m pretty strong…but that’s still not very far.  I am going to try to figure you out before I give you any ammunition against me.  I need to know if you’re going to shoot me in the back the second I turn around.  I don’t enjoy being vulnerable.  There are probably 3 people in the known universe that I trust implicitly…..odds are, you’re not one of them.

If you ask my opinion I am going to give it to you….this is your warning

I’m not really a sugar-coater.  I’m learning to speak truth in love, but I’m still going to speak truth.  If you’re looking for someone to back your crazy idea, I may not be the one.

I read….a lot

For the last few years I’ve read 52 books a year.  Yes, that’s a book a week.  Granted they weren’t all life changers, but I enjoy the escape to another universe.  I also think I like literature because there’s no “Hurry up and wait.”  It’s constant motion….one thing changing to the next. 

I get a little ADD behind the wheel of the car

Sometimes that I forget that I look with my eyes and not the entire car….

I get narcolepsy in the passenger seat

I seriously have fallen asleep on the way to Ikea.  Which is only an hour away!

Sometimes, random songs get stuck in my head and I just have to sing them.

You can ask the girls I work with.  And it really could be ANYTHING….from some crappy to 40 hit to an obscure Disney song.  It doesn’t matter.  I think the only way to get it from bouncing around in my head is to let it go. (See what I did there….HA…..see #7)

If I could only eat one food for the rest of my life it would, hands down, be tacos

Y’all.  Nothing more needs to be said about this.  Mexican food is a blessing.  Be blessed.

I will not discriminate against you because of race, religion, or sexual orientation…But I will judge you if you’re female and your toes aren’t painted

This is probably my biggest pet peeve.  It probably has more to do with #26 than anything.  And I know in the grand scheme of things it doesn’t matter.  But paint your freaking toes…

The first thing I notice about people is their eyebrows

I know.  This is weird.  I’ve been told 11 billion times how weird this is.  But, alas.  Here we are. 

I still have my wisdom teeth

Weird.  Who’da thunk I’d have enough room in my mouth for 4 extra teeth….

I don’t like to eat alone…ever

I don’t mind hanging out at the house by myself.  But don’t ask me to go in public and have a meal alone.  I just can’t do it.

I consider it the highest honor to be part of your big life event

Make your wedding cake…I’d love to.  Hold your hand and remind you how badass you are while you’re having a baby….sure.  Stand beside you as you proclaim that this is the one forever and ever….of course.  I think this one is tied to #1 and #2 (heh….I said #2).

I have an abnormally high pain tolerance…unless we’re talking about my toes.

Have back surgery on Monday and go back to work on Friday.  No problem!  Have a small human cut out of me on Wednesday and clean house on Saturday.  Why not?  Stub my toe on the coffee table at my grandma’s house going to the bathroom.  Scream like I’ve been stabbed – fall to the ground and shake the whole house – and exclaim that “It’s BROKEN!!!”  Yeah…that happened.  But in my defense – that toe is STILL crooked – proving my point that it WAS broken (Thank you very much, Mema)

I can pop my sternum

Your sternum is that hard bone in the middle of your chest that your ribs connect to.  Fun Fact: It’s actually 3 different bones. I have no idea why, or how I became aware of this, but every now and then I can get the joint between the top bone (Manubrium) and the second bone (Body) to pop.  (And, yes, it grosses EVERYONE out)

I don’t like to hug…but not for the reasons you might think

I’m tall.  If you’ve met me you know this.  I stand at about 6’2”.  Which means if I’m going to hug you, a normal sized female, I’m going to smother you with my boobs.  It’s just a fact.  I don’t like this….you don’t like this…people walking by don’t like this….it’s just uncomfortable for everyone.  Also see #10.

I hate feet!

I don’t know why.  I just don’t like them.  Putting your feet on me is a sure fire way to ensure that I will NEVER speak to you again.

Don’t see a movie with me unless you’re ready for a running commentary.  No, I’m serious.

Again, see #7.  But really, I think I’m just too ADD.  I can’t have all these un-shared thoughts bouncing around in my head for 2+ hours.  I just can’t.  I need to let them out.  Now…they may be remarks on a characters appearance….wondering where she got those shoes….wanting that pineapple cup….thinking that man (who looks remarkably like my husband) is smokin’ hawt….but whatever I think is going to come flying out of my mouth.  At least I’ve been nice enough to warn you beforehand!

My mind is in the gutter….Always….No matter what….

I’ve tried to work on this, but it’s hard….heh….SO HARD…..heh

I want to be given a 24 hour notice before I die….so I can eat my weight in Krispy Kreme Doughnuts

I mean….is there anything more amazing?  I may just want to ride the conveyor under the glaze waterfall.  Seriously, this is the stuff dreams are made of!

I’m crafty, not creative.

Show me a picture and I can figure out how to do that.  Give me a blank canvas and tell me to create….I’m screwed.

I have a lisp.  It’s not enough to notice in normal day to day life, but gets worse when I’m tired….or tipsy.

I can confirm that it’s bad enough that my talk to text can’t understand me unless I’ve had a cup of coffee...

My natural schedule is 10 am to 3 am

I am a night owl by nature – and an early morning riser because the rest of the world seems to think that all business needs to take place at the butt crack of dawn.

My 2 year goal is to do a half Ironman.

Yeah.  You heard me.  IRON. MAN.  This inspiration comes on the heels of watching my former Crossfit coach compete in a FULL Ironman shortly after being diagnosed with RA.  I don’t imagine that this road is going to be easy, but I’m ready to NOT give up on something and actually FINISH.  

We’ll see how that goes…

I really want to be pretty, but it seems like SO. MUCH. WORK.

I can either have full make up or have my hair fixed.  I can’t do both.  Dammit Jim, I’m an accountant, not a magician

I’m a Student….again

Apparently I’m a glutton for punishment…and have enrolled to get my Master’s Degree.  Because you know what goes with a nice Bachelor’s in Psychology….a Master’s in Accounting.

I think there’s a better way.

It doesn’t matter what it is.  But you’ll catch me saying “There’s got to be a better way.”  Granted, this statement has been to my detriment at a few jobs.  Thankfully my current boss just listens and lets me rant and even lets me try out a few of my crazy ideas.  Sometimes they work.  Sometimes there’s an even better way than my better way.  Sometimes you just need to try.

So.  Kudos to you if you got to the end of this.  In parting I’ll leave you with some birthday wisdom (Which is WAY better than a birthday suit….LOL)

Figure out who you are.  Know WHOSE you are.  Be the friend you want to have.  Buy coffee for the guy in line behind you.  Eat the cake.  Laugh fully (even if you snort).  Be a better remember-er (even if you have to set a reminder in your phone).  Pray more.  Text the person you’re thinking about.  Love even if it hurts.