Essential

It’s official.
I’m essential.
Well, at least the government thinks so.

This pandemic has thrown us all into situations we never really thought possible.

 All of a sudden, in addition to being the primary earner for our family, I’m the only one who actually has to get out of bed in the morning.

Mark is furloughed until further notice and Camber and Cooper are now home-schooled for who knows how long.

 It’s weird.

 Everything is so weird.

There are those who feel like life should carry on as normal and still pack their teacup Yorkie into their purse and head to the grocery store for their weekly shopping.

There are those who are convinced that this is how humanity meets its maker, and are hoarding toilet paper (why though?) and not leaving their homes at all.

Then there are those who realize the extent of this pandemic, but still have to carry on as normal as possible because our livelihoods depend on it.

I mentioned to a friend yesterday that I feel like I have a very different experience that the majority of the universe right now.

If you’re also “essential” I bet you do to.

We’re torn.

We are SO. VERY. THANKFUL to have a job.

Yet, we’re jealous of those who “get” to stay home during this time.

To be honest, this has been one of the most stressful seasons of my life.

We’re in the process of buying a house. We have no idea when Mark will go back to work. Our 20th Anniversary trip to Europe has been cancelled, but we’re not entirely sure if we’ll get any of that money back – because travel insurance doesn’t cover pandemic. (Don’t even get me started on the fact that we LITERALLY are not allowed in the countries that we were supposed to travel to).

At work I’ve coordinated the layoffs of over 2,000 people. We tried to make it as seamless as possible, but I speak to about 100 people a day who are LIVID that the state is taking so long to process their request (Did I mention I don’t work for the state?). 

I get home to a house full of introverts that are THRIVING because they aren’t being forced out in public.

Our tiny apartment is covered in boxes because we’re supposed to close on our house today (which likely won’t happen #ThanksCorona).

Our dog is having a nervous breakdown at the clutter.

And I have about 900 ZOOM meetings a week to “try and stay connected.”
During which I get to hear all about how everyone has all this extra emotional and mental energy and how they have never felt better or more connected to their families, and how they are organizing, and doing yard work, and getting everyone on a schedule. They’re cooking wholesome and nutritious foods and working out and sun bathing and reading and day drinking. Their skin is glowing and their hair is made of sunshine (Ok, I may have made that up). 

Meanwhile my stomach is in knots. I’m a giant ball of anxiety and have said on more than one occasion “I’m not ok.”

Yet – I keep on.

Now, I get that this sounds like a pity party complete with a full round of “I guess I’ll go eat worms.” 

And yes, it kinda is.

 But more than that – I want you to be aware of what some of us are walking through.

 So – I say all that to say – check on your “essential” friends. They may not be ok.